A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
