everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize