'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
