it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
