Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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