oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
