Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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