I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
