the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
