I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
