you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
