every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
