Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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