i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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