if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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