at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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