I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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