the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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