What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
