I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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