Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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