My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
