yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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