i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
