I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
