help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think your dad took our porno
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
