finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She bit a glass in half.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
