Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
