I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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