Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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