and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
