it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
