nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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