Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
