I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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