Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
