i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
