i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
