The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
