well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
