I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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