The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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