I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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