i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
