Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
