look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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