Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize