I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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