my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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