Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
