i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
