I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear god my vagina.
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