Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
