rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
