I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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