I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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