The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
