turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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