u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
