Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
