he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
