can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
