You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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