I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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