i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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