it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
