He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
