Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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