the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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