Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have already put on my inside pants.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
