haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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