all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
