btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A+ Viking dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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