just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
