you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
