what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
