My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
