Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
