I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A+ Viking dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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