I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
