Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
