and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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