the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
