So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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