her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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