dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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