I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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